Does your significant other go all gushy when you fill up the car with gas or unload the dishwasher? These little gestures are part of the love language known as Acts of Service—here’s how to talk more of it. There are many ways to say “I love you.” And learning the way—or the language—that resonates most with your partner is crucial in building a happy, fulfilling relationship. That’s the general idea behind marriage counselor Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages.
What are the five love languages?
In his book, Chapman defines five different styles of expressing and receiving love: Acts of service, getting gifts, quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. You and your partner may not speak the same love language; what sends one person’s heart soaring may leave another feeling flat. A shoulder massage at the end of a long day will be the best thing ever to the person whose love language is physical touch. But to someone who speaks the language of quality time, a hike and a picnic will be much more meaningful. Once you figure out the language that your partner speaks, you’ll be better able to communicate your feelings of love. If Acts of Service is your significant other’s love language, look for ways to lighten their load, says psychologist Jennifer Thomas, PhD, a frequent lecturer on The 5 Love Languages and co-author with Chapman on the upcoming book Making Things Right at Work. Your partner “will feel most loved or appreciated when you take a literal hands-on approach to helping them,” Thomas explains. “Saying that you love and care about them while sitting around rings hollow. You will fill up their love tank when you roll up your sleeves and get to work. For them, talk is cheap; actions speak more loudly than words." So which actions will make your honey swoon? Consider this your romantic to-do list.
125 Acts of Service
To dig deeper into all the different love languages, check out How to Show Your Partner You’re Grateful for Them, Using Their Preferred Love Language.
Sources
Jennifer Thomas, PhD, psychologist and frequent lecturer on The 5 Love Languages and co-author with Chapman on the upcoming book Making Things Right at Work
